was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
