I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
