there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
