Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
