Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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