He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
