Will you blow on my dice?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you didnt know i had herpes?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
