Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
