somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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