Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
