At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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