What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
