Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
