my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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