We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i think i just lost a toe
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
