if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
