Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
