You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
