I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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