i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
