Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
