So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
