Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
