Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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