Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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