I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
