my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Sober January is a disaster.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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