I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
