I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I checked into jail on foursquare
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
