What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
