OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
