sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
