Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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