Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
