Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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