she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
