No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
