Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
