that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
