Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
