U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
