Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
