Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
