Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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