Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
