i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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