Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
