She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
