she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
