And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
and you fell through a lawn chair
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
