I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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