Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
