no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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