she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
