why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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