why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
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