my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
