I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
