Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
