I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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